my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Randomize
