everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just sent this text using only my big toe
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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