smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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