i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
