did you get engaged???
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
