dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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