Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
