nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
