I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
