she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it glows. i had to have it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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