I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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