help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
