why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
