I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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