do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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