I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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