so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
