Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
