Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
