Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We had to coat check the pizza.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
