i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
