You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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