My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
