Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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