so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
