The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
