We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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