similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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