Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We don't watch enough power rangers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
