Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
