Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
