I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
