I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
