I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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