so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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