She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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