i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
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shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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