i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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