I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
