I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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