Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
