Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
3pm strippers are depressing
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
