My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
