he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
