Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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