you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
