That's when you crack a 10am beer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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