I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
