I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
