At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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