I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
