Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
