if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
