My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize