CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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