why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
