kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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