My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
