I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
