It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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