What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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