Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
