dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
