i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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