So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
