I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
